CK Lynn

FYI: Changed the title again, because I was looking in poetry and found like, six other poems called "dusk" so maybe that wasn't the best choice.

What if you do two in-depth critiques before posting your first story? Would you still have to do two afterwords?

It was really interesting, and unique. Though perhaps you might break it up some more?

I really loved the first line, and the languague was great. I will say however, that the paranetheses in my opinion were really unnessecary and distracted from the piece as ...

"Sshh," I say, pushing some of her aburn hair behind one small ear. She took after Jason in that respect, but her deep green eyes came from me.

No, there wasn't supposed to be any rhyme, it just sort of ended up fitting that way in some parts and I haven't changed it because all the other words ...

I liked it. THe first verse was good, but the others didn't tie in.

It was okay, though not very original

Yeah, I took out the caps, and edited some of the punctuation.

[quote]Creating words, an act to tame you Disguising my true intentions Making you understand my false words Only to be really messed up in nature I liked the subject, in ...

I liked it, good job on imagery. But you do need to break it up, perhaps into sesons.

Wow, I really liked it, especcially all the wonderful imagery and emotions. Two thing would make it better: 1. Abetter title (this one sounds like skinny-dipping, no offense) and 2. ...

Wow. It was ... intense. Perhaps to the point of being too much so. I like how you're kind of confused about it, not having much information, so there's tons ...

Part 3 now avalible!

Part 2 now avalible!